Dear Eric
by wannabewriter25
Summary: This story will be letters from Sookie to Eric. She's reminiscing about their love. What's a woman to do when the only man she's ever loved is gone? The idea came to me b/c I have the feeling that Ms. Harris is going to end our most favorite couple in a nasty and wayward way. I'm doing my human version on the heartbreak of losing your one true love. And not b/c another woman A/H
1. Monday 12:01 am

**Monday 12:01 am**

Dear Eric,

Do you know what I was just thinking about? I was thinking about the first time we met. Do you remember that day? I remember it like it just happened five minutes ago. You came into my office and you sauntered in like you owned the place. Never mind the fact that my office door was closed. You were a man on a mission that you needed to complete. I've never told you this but I was glad that you sauntered into my office like you owned the place. You were so handsome in your navy blue suit and red tie. I looked at my appointment book and hoped that you were supposed to be there to see me but no. My next appointment was Mrs. Bodehouse. She looks nothing like you. I looked up at you and sighed.

You looked at me and smiled. "Good morning," you said. You have the sexiest accent I've ever heard. I almost fell through my seat.

"Good morning to you." Then I asked, "Can I help you?"

You asked, "Are you Mr. Sam Merlotte?"

I couldn't believe that you asked me that. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't. I should have been insulted but I wasn't. It was just too funny. So instead of being angry and throwing you out on your ass, I answered your question. "I do apologize but no, I am not Mr. Sam Merlotte. But I can tell you where to go."

You said, "I'd appreciate that but before you do, can I ask you for something?"

Again, I wanted to laugh. I couldn't believe you. You called me a man and in the next breath you wanted to ask me for a favor. I was thinking to myself that whatever favor you wanted from me, it had to be a good one.

"Sure," I said. "Go right ahead."

"Can I get your number?" You batted those sweet baby blues at me and then you gave me the most devastatingly handsome smile I'd ever see. And with your eyes and your smile, you had me but I couldn't let you know it.

One thing that didn't work in your favor was that you couldn't come up with a better pick up line. I thought to myself a man as handsome and as funny as he is couldn't do any better than that? I expected you to say something like '_Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !_' or something even cheesier than that like '_If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents_'. Right then and there, I decided to give you the number to the phone booth down the block. I just had to know what you'd do once you found out that I'd given you a fake number.

"Sure," I said. I pulled a post-it from my desk and wrote down 'my' number. Since you had your cell phone out, I assumed that you would call me to be sure that I'd given you my real number but again, you surprised me. Even when you walked past my office from Sam's, I expected something but got nothing. Well, not right then.

When I got off that evening, lo and behold, guess who was waiting for me? That's right. You were.

You said, "I went to your house but there was a guy there and he was using your phone." Oh and then that smile and the most beautiful laugh I'd ever heard.

I fell in love with you that very second. That very second, I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with you. That day was a Monday.

I used to like Mondays.

Loving you always,

Sookie.


	2. Monday 9:00 am

**Monday 9:00 am**

Dear Eric,

I was just thinking about you.

It's been three days.

I miss you.

When I woke up this morning, I looked to my right and I expected to see you there. I forgot that you were away. While I was dreaming, I reached over to hold your hand but you weren't there. Again, I forgot that you were away. I don't like sleeping in this big old bed alone. I don't like it one bit. The funny thing is that I don't like it but I can't make myself get out of it. Isn't that funny? What's even funnier is that since you've been gone, I haven't changed the sheets and I change the sheets everyday. Well, I used to.

The midnight blue ones are the ones that looked so good with you laying in them. Your blond hair would be messily splayed out over your pillow after we'd make love. The sheets would be thrown haphazardly over the lower half of your body. I would watch you as you slept; brushing stray pieces of hair from your face. Don't laugh at me but I used to try and will you awake so I could see your eyes.

It's been three days.

God, I miss you.

I cooked breakfast this morning but I couldn't eat it. I called out to you but you didn't come. I forgot that you were away. I went back to bed. The bacon and eggs are still on the table.

I sniff your pillow every night before I go to sleep. I want to sleep on it but I'm afraid that if I do, your scent will fade away quicker. I haven't washed any of your clothes since you left. I've been walking around the house in your white button down shirt and your black silk boxers. I sleep in your socks and when I go to the bathroom, I slip my feet into your slippies. I've even sprayed your cologne just so I would think that you were at home with me.

I just wanted to write you. I know that I should be sleeping but it's hard to sleep without you. Well, goodnight Eric. I love you. I know that it's daytime but so what? You're not here so it doesn't really matter.

These have been the three longest days of my life.

I really, really miss you.

Missing you more and more each day,

Sookie.


	3. Monday 11:30 pm

**Monday 11:30 pm**

**Thanks for the reviews and the alert. I hope that you all enjoy. I'd love to hear what you think.**

Dear Eric,

Gran came by this evening. She cleaned the kitchen and she got rid of the uneaten breakfast. You know that she fussed because I wasted bacon AND eggs. She said that I should have called Jason to come over and eat it. She said that the house needed to be scrubbed from top to bottom. She said that no Stackhouse woman should keep such a mess. She said that even if you are away, I still have to keep a clean house. She tried coming into our bedroom but I stopped her at the door. She looked over my shoulder and shook her head.

"You need to change those sheets, Sookie." She tried to push past me but she didn't push too hard. She stood there and looked at me for a minute. She didn't move. I guess the sad and pleading look on my face stopped her.

"No, Gran. Please don't," I said.

"Well at least let me wash the clothes. That shirt that you have on is filthy, Sookie. You can't walk around looking like that." Gran reached over to unbutton your shirt. My body stiffened. My heart stopped. My blood stopped flowing. When she tried to pull the shirt off of me, I did something that I'd never done to my granny before. I yelled at her.

"Don't touch me! This is mine! This is my shirt!" I gripped the shirt in my hands and I let the tears fall. I think that was the first time I'd cried since you left.

She didn't get mad. She just stared at me.

"Go home, Gran. Leave me alone. Leave my house the way that it is. Let me live this way if it makes me feel better. I'll clean it up when I feel like it. I am not a baby." Then Gran did what she always does. She treated me like a baby.

She smiled and wrapped her sweet arms around me and hugged me and kissed me. She rocked me back and forth in her arms as I cried. She told me that she loves me. My granny is the best granny in the whole wide world. Oh, and she loves you. How I wish that you were home. I want to see you. I want to touch you. I want to be with you.

Eric …I don't think that I can do this.

I Need You and Love You,

Sookie.


	4. Wednesday 12:00 Noon

**Wednesday 12:00 noon**

**Thank you all so much for taking the time to read, review, and alert to this story. I appreciate it. **

Dear Eric,

I don't think I woke up yesterday. If I did, I don't remember. Everything is so foggy and ugly. I think Pam drugged me when she came over to make sure that I ate the soup that Gran made. She said that the circles around my eyes made me look ten years older. That's why I think she drugged me. Dark circles my foot. I shouldn't have believed her. You know how much she likes to exaggerate but I ate the soup anyway. I knew that it tasted funny but I ate it because I wanted her to go home to her own family and leave me alone. I knew that I shouldn't have eaten that soup. It was good though.

I thought I saw you sitting on the edge of the bed last night. You were sitting there and watching me while I slept. I could even smell you. You smelled the same way you did that night. I must have been dreaming. I think that's why I didn't wake up yesterday. You were looking at me and you were smiling that knee weakening smile. My heart fluttered and my pulse began to race. I even called out your name. When I reached out for you, you were gone. I keep forgetting that you are away.

I called you today. I left you an extremely long message. I had to call you three different times in order to finish what I had to say.

Do you want to know what I dreamt about? I dreamt about you and your smile and the blue twinkle in your eyes. Do you remember our first date? You told me to wear my fanciest dress and I did. When you came to pick me up, I expected to go to The Inn or the jazz section in New Orleans. When we pulled up in front of the phone booth that I said was my phone number, I just sat there. You got the picnic basket and a blanket from the trunk of your car. Just as nicely as you please, you spread the blanket out in front of the phone booth and set up our picnic dinner.

"You look surprised," you said oh so innocently. "I thought we'd have dinner at your place."

I'd never laughed so hard in all of my life. You even had passersby take pictures of us. You said that it was never too early to start a family photo album. I couldn't have agreed more. It was one the best nights of my life. I asked you at least a thousand questions and you answered every single one of them. I love to watch your lips when you're talking. Your eyes are always so full of life and your sense of humor is priceless. No one has ever made me laugh the way that you do. Wait; someone's at the door.

Pam just left. She came by to pick up your navy blue suit and the red tie. You know how much I love to see you in dark colors. You look so distinguished and so powerful. I wouldn't be afraid to bet that others think the way that I do. Anyway, she brought me some lunch. I ate a little bit of it but only because she looked worried. She asked me if I'd eaten since she fed me the soup. I didn't answer her because I couldn't remember. I've eaten, so don't worry. I just can't recall.

I'm so scared, Eric. I'm just so scared.

Your loving wife,

Sookie.


	5. Wednesday 3:00 pm

**Wednesday 3:00 pm**

Dear Eric,

Andy came by today. He was carrying a cardboard box. I didn't let him in though. I've never liked him too much so I don't feel bad about not letting him in. I peeked at him through the blinds. You know; the ones that are in our bedroom? He didn't knock very long. No one ever knocks for a long time anymore. They'll wait for a few seconds and then go away. I guess they know that I'm not going to answer. You know what? Now that I think about it, everyone has stopped coming by. Well, you know what I mean when I say everyone. The ones that aren't family. Another good thing is that they've even stopped calling. I don't care really. It's much quieter without their knocks and their phone calls.

I looked out the window again. Andy's gone. The box isn't.

I showered today. I used your body wash and your sponge. I smell just like you. You don't have much honey shampoo left so I didn't use it. I only opened it so that I could smell it. I love washing your hair. I love braiding your hair. You know what else I love? I love the piggy back rides.

I wish someone would come and get that box off of our porch.

Pam and Jason are wonderful. Pam has always been an excellent friend but Jason? I'm surprised at how he's stepped up. He's been really great. He's even tried taking care of me. He tried making me a grilled cheese but he burnt the cheese and the bread wasn't grilled. Don't even ask me how that happened. Jason Jr. came over with Pam today. They left about an hour ago. She came over to make me some lunch. You'd be proud of me. I ate some of it. Anyway, I heard JJ ask her where Uncle Eric is. She shushed him. You know how kids are. He kept going.

"Well, where is he? When is he coming back? We're supposed to go to a football game tomorrow."

"Quiet down," Pam said to him. She wasn't nice when she said it either. I guess he got the hint. He didn't ask any more questions.

I wish that I could go to sleep and when I wake up all over again. All of this will have been just a horrible nightmare. It'll be over when I wake up and you will be in bed with me. You'll lean over like you do every morning and then you'll kiss me.

"Good morning, my lover." You always say that. I love to hear you say that.

I've tried it a couple of times you know? Waking up and pretending that you were here? It's never the way I think it should be.

I've come to a couple of decisions. I'm leaving the box on the porch.

And I'm not going to see you in that suit.

Loving You and Only You,

Sookie.

* * *

**A/N: I hope that you all enjoyed. Let me know what you think.**


	6. Wednesday 10:00 pm

**Wednesday 10:00 pm**

Dear Eric,

I just woke up. I didn't want to.

Guess what I'm wearing? I'm wearing your robe. I found it on the back of the bathroom door. I know. I didn't find it because it wasn't lost. It's always hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Anyway, smart ass, it feels like you ...almost. So warm. Wrapped around me and so warm. It's a poor substitute for you but what choice do I have? You're not home. Your dirty clothes and body wash will just have to do.

The box is in the living room now. It's supposed to still be on the front porch. Pam or either JJ must have brought it inside. I really wish they hadn't.

I saw it on the couch when I went to get some water. To avoid the box, I sprinted across the living room and to the kitchen. After I got the water, I sprinted from the kitchen to the living room and back to our bedroom. I could see the box from the corner of my eye but I didn't stop. I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. When I reached the door, I looked at the bed. I expected to see you laying there. You want to know why? It's because I did what I usually do when I run to the kitchen to get water. I grabbed two bottles. One for you. One for me. I then did something I haven't done in six days. I smiled.

I'd almost forgotten about the box.

It makes me think about our routine. I love our routines. They make me feel good. Out of all or our routines, this one is my favorite. After we make love, you always go to the bathroom first. You offer it to me and it never fails; you always say that you'll go and get the water but the competitive side in me always says no. You have always thought that you are faster than I am but we both know the truth. I was the one that was the star runner in high school. I am the one that played softball in high school AND college. I always say that I can beat you back from the kitchen before you make it back to the bed from the bathroom. So what if the bathroom is in our bedroom? I never make it back before you do. Never. But this time ...this time was different. When I didn't see you, I just knew that I'd won.

You do remember how we do that, don't you? That was a stupid question. I know that you remember. How could you forget it? The game was your idea and you always win. This time, I won. I was so happy that I threw the water bottles on the bed and ran to the bathroom. I was going to finally get to do my victory dance. The one that I've been practicing for three years. The dance that I never, ever, ever get to do. Well, I didn't get to do it again.

You aren't in the bathroom.

You aren't in the bed.

I forgot. I can't believe that I forgot.

It's been six days and I forgot.

You aren't here.

The smile faded and the victory is hollow.

The fucking box is still sitting in our living room.

Always, Always, Always Thinking of YOU,

Sookie.


	7. Wednesday 11:30 pm

**Wednesday 11:30 pm**

Dear Eric,

I was just thinking about your surprise birthday party. It was the most fun. The look on your face was priceless. I specifically recall you saying that you can never be surprised. Boy, were you wrong. When you came home that night you expected to see tons of cars in the driveway. You expected to see people everywhere. You were so wrong.

Before you left for work that morning, you had the gall to say, "Tell your brother not to park in my spot in the garage. Every time he comes over and my car isn't there, he does that. Tell him not to do it this time, huh? As a matter of fact, tell Pam too."

"Why would I tell them anything? They're not coming over."

"Come on, lover. You can't fool me. You've been secretive all month; for the past two months as a matter of fact. You and Pam have been kicking me out of the house every weekend. Plus you took the day off. You never take the day off from work. I know what you're up to, lover."

"Eric, you're not having a surprise birthday party. Pam and Jason are not going to be parked in the garage because they are not going to be here. Besides," I added. "When I tried inviting people over for your birthday party, no one wanted to come." I looked at you slyly, trying my best not to smile. You knew that wasn't true. Everyone loves you. They've always loved you.

"Please," you said. "I'm wonderful. They all love me."

"Whatever!" When you reached for the door, I said, "Eric, when you get home, don't park in the garage, okay?"

You gave me a knowing smile and didn't say a word. You kissed me and left for work. For once I was glad that you called one of the early morning business meetings. I was able to get everything ready for that night.

When I heard you pulling into the driveway, I ran to the window to see you. I didn't want you to park in the garage because I wanted to see the look on your face when you realized that you were wrong and boy did I see it. I could see that your eyes were filled with disappointment. Victory! I ran to the front door and waited for you to open it.

When you did, I yelled out, "Surprise!" I threw shredded pieces of notebook paper in your face. I jumped up and down and screamed, "Happy birthday!"

You laughed and laughed. Oh, how I love to hear you laugh.

"I love your outfit."

I twirled around so that you could admire me. It was the black and white checkered robe that you bought for me while we were in Sweden visiting your parents. As I modeled for you, I asked, "Can you believe it? It still fits."

You really started to laugh then.

I took your coat and briefcase and told you to shower while I get your dinner and your surprises ready.

The dinner and the conversation were great. Your company was great but the best part of the night was when you got your surprises. Nothing that I've ever done has ever made you look as you did that night. I made you wait downstairs until I called you up. You wanted to follow but I told you to wait.

"You'll ruin your surprise."

You have always been a patient man but that night stretched you beyond even your limits. Finally, I called you up.

"Okay, baby! You can come up now!"

You took the stairs two at a time. When you reached the door of the room, your mouth dropped and tears welled up in your eyes. You took the poster sized picture from my hands and looked at it and then looked back at me. You took at the room and you looked at me.

"Jason and Pam helped."

"Is this why this room has been locked?"

"Uh huh."

You finally noticed that I was naked.

Pointing at the picture, you asked, "Is this why you've been wearing granny gowns to bed?"

"Uh huh."

"Is this why you're always on top?"

"Uh huh."

You ran over and dropped to your knees. You started to kiss my belly as I stroked your head.

"How pregnant are we?"

"Three months to the day."

You pressed your head to my belly and wrapped your arms tightly around my waist. "My lover," you said over and over again.

"Surprise," I whispered.

"I'm going to be a daddy."

"Yep. You're going to be a daddy."

We stood like that for hours.

That was a good night.

That was five months ago.

I'm going to open the box.

Loving You and Only You for Always,

Your very pregnant wife,

Sookie.


	8. Thursday 2:00 am

**Thursday 2:00 am**

**If you are prone to crying, this may be sad to some. So, I recommend Kleenex, Cottonell ...Angel Soft maybe or any other substitute that you may have laying around. I hope that you all enjoy this short little love story.**

Dear Eric,

Why did I open that fucking box?

This is your fault!

I am so fucking mad at you! Why did you do it? Why did you have to go? Why didn't my begging and pleading make you want to stay in bed with me? Couldn't you see how much I wanted you to stay in bed with me? Our night had been perfect. We held each other. We made love. We laughed. We talked. We made love some more. We shared. We laughed and talked some more. I didn't want to stop talking. I didn't want to stop loving you. I didn't want to stop holding you.I didn't want you to stop holding me. It's too soon for us to stop loving. It's too soon for us to stop holding each other. It's too soon for us to stop talking. There is so much more that I have to tell you but you know what? You'll never get to hear any of it because you ruined it all! You fucking ruined it!

YOU LEFT ME ALONE!

You went! You went and you left me here all alone! I told you that I would get the rocky road ice cream when I got off of work but no! You had to go and be the most perfect and wonderful husband in the world. Why did you have to want to spoil me? I told you that I could wait but no! You just had to go and get it yourself! You wouldn't listen to me! You wouldn't listen to me and here I am, in our bed, wearing your white button down shirt and black silk boxers! Here I am sitting in bed with your black dress socks and slippies on wrapped up in your robe! Here I am crying my eyes out. We have so much more that we are supposed to do together. Three years just wasn't long enough. You need to fix this! I don't know how but you need to fix this. You need to make this right! We still have a lifetime to live together. To spend together. To love. To share. To talk. This wasn't supposed to happen.

YOU LEFT ME ALONE!

Why did you have to go? Why? You did this to me, you know that? This is your fault! All night long, I pace the floor. All night long, I sit up in this big old bed waiting for you to walk through that door and tell me that you're home. I wait to hear you say that you love me. I wait to hear you say, "Lover, come to me." Do you want to know what I hear? Nothing. I hear nothing. So I do what I've been doing these last six days. I wait to run and jump into your arms. I wait to feel your touch. I wait for you to kiss me. I wait for you to make love to me.

You know that this was not supposed to happen. This happens in the book, in the movies and on TV shows. This wasn't supposed to happen to us. We're having a baby! Things would be so much better if you would just make things right. If we could go back to that night, we could make things right. If I could just sleep my way back to that Friday night, everything would be the way that it was. I wouldn't even mention ice cream to you. I'd keep it to myself. If only you would come back home to me.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO!

I wait for the peppered kisses that you give me and our baby belly when you're waking me in the morning. I wait for you to make love to me. I wait for you to hold me in your arms and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I wait for you to tell me that it's all been a bad dream and you're home now. You're supposed to do what you usually do. You're supposed to make it all okay. You always say that as long as we're together, we'll be okay.

We're not together.

We're not okay.

All because I had a craving for rocky road ice cream. Now I don't crave ice cream.

I crave you, Eric.

I'll never eat rocky road ice cream again.

Your sad and miserable wife,

Sookie.

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**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I just want you to know that most of the chapters will get sadder. I just want to prepare you all. **


	9. Thursday 2:45 am

**Thursday 2:45 am**

Dear Eric,

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm sorry for my rant and for the very mean things that I said. Please forgive me. Don't hate me. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean it. It's not your fault. You didn't make this happen. You didn't cause any of this. Please forgive me.

I'm just so lonely here. Gran told me that I could come back home for awhile if I wanted to. She said that my old room was waiting for me. Jason and Pam invited me to stay with them and the kids for a few days, a few months, or however long it takes. I'm not going anywhere and they all know it. This is our home. I'm scared that if I leave, you'll come home while I'm gone and I'll miss you. I don't tell anyone that because they already think that I'm going nuts. I haven't left the house in a week. I've been eating more because I have to keep up my strength and I need to take better care of our baby.

Gran said that I'm being selfish. She said that I'm only thinking about myself. That's what Gran said. She says that it's not all about me. She said that my grief is going to kill me and the baby if I don't stop wallowing in self pity. Don't get mad. I've been eating. Gran and Pam have been cooking for me and I eat what I can. I'll do better. I promise, Eric. I'll do better.

Gran took the dogs with her. I hate to say this but I'd forgotten that we have dogs. I guess sitting in this room all day and night makes it hard to remember much of anything else but you. I woke you yesterday and Jason was sitting on the couch watching football. For a second, I thought that it was you. That's why I got out of bed. I heard the TV. I heard the roar of the crowd and Jason was screaming and yelling at this punt backer or quarter kicker or whatever you call them. Anyway, when I saw that it was Jason, I went back into our bedroom and locked the door. He looked at me. He didn't follow me. He didn't knock on the door.

I never should've told you that I wanted rocky road ice cream.

Amelia and Tara came by but I wouldn't let them in. They keep calling me. I keep dodging them. Those women just won't give up. They've been trying to get me to go out and get some fresh air. I know that Gran sent them. She's still trying to get in this room and change the sheets and wash the clothes. I'm not falling for that old trick again. You know, getting me out of the house? They did that to me when they had my bachelorette party at Hooligans. Do you remember? I'd never seen so many half naked men in all of my life. It was a mess but it was fun to be with my friends. After we left, I bathed my arms in hand sanitizer. When I came home and described my night to you, you laughed like a maniac. You really laughed when I told you that I felt dirty.

I love to hear you laugh.

Your picture was in the paper today.

Missing you more and more each day,

Sookie.


	10. Friday 1:30 am

**Friday 1:30 am**

Dear Eric,

I can't breathe.

I can't sit still.

Oh God, I can't breathe.

How am I supposed to get through this day?

I put on your olive suit jacket a few seconds ago. It smells just like you. I felt something heavy in one of the pockets and guess what I found? A black velvet box was in the inside jacket pocket. I didn't open it. I wanted to but I know what it's for. You are always thinking ahead. That's what makes you so wonderful and thoughtful. I am the luckiest woman in the world to be married to you. You're always thinking about me.

You're always thinking about me.

I put it back in the pocket but I'm still wearing the jacket. You would be proud that I didn't open it …even though I wanted to. The box was too big to be a pair of earrings and it's too small to be a necklace.

The room is spinning.

I think I'm hyperventilating.

What am I supposed to do without you? Hold on, baby. There's a knock at the door.

I didn't open it. Pam and Jason are knocking on the door. I heard Pam tell Jason that he knows that I'm not going to open it. I heard him saying okay and I heard the keys. Shit. I forgot that they have a key. I ran back here to the bedroom when I heard the doorknob turning. I should've taken the key. But it's okay. They won't come in here though. I've locked the door and turned off the light. I know that they know that I'm awake. The light was on when they pulled up.

Shit!

It's hard writing a letter using the light of a cell phone.

Your pillow still smells like you. I don't lay on it though. I just touch it and imagine that it's you.

I can't sleep. I'm scared of what today is going to bring.

I wish that I was a drinker. I'd be a drunk. I'd drink so much that I'd get sick but I've never been a drinker and I can't drink. It's never tasted very good anyway. The only good alcohol that I've ever had was the champagne that you got for our honeymoon. Now that was good. You've never been much of a drinker either. I'm glad. Drunks aren't great lovers from what I've heard. They can't get it up like they ought to.

I'm sick, Eric.

Pam is knocking on our bedroom door. She must've heard the scratching of the pencil to the paper. She's always been nosy. I want to invite her in. I want her to hold me and tell me that everything's gonna be okay. I want someone to tell me that everything's going to be okay.

I wouldn't believe them even if they did tell me.

I don't think that I can do it.

I'm not going and I don't care what people think. I don't care what they say or what they believe. I can't do it.

Eric, I have to go.

I need someone to hold me.

I'm going to go and get Pam.

Loving only you,

Sookie.


	11. Friday 4:00 am

**Friday 4:00 am**

Dear Eric,

Pam was wonderful.

Do you remember our wedding day?

It was THE single best day of my life. Becoming your wife was just everything I'd ever dreamed it would be.

We were married on the beaches of Jamaica. It was the most intimate and private of all affairs; only friends and family. You were right when you said that a morning wedding would be perfect. It wasn't too hot and it wasn't too cool. It was just right. It was perfect.

When you slipped that ring on my finger and promised me that every day with you would be like my birthday, I couldn't wait for the preacher to hurry so that we could start our lives together. I told you that I was going to love you for the rest of my life. I promised that there would be no other man in my life. We were hopelessly in love with each other.

I put on my wedding gown after Pam left. It didn't fit but how surprised can I be?

Jason and Pam's daughter was our flower girl. She had a ball throwing those pink and white rose petals on the beach. Wasn't it a hoot when she kept walking and started throwing the petals at the guests?

It felt good to be able to get married in white. It was beautiful; the dress. I remember the way you bit into your bottom lip as grandpa walked me down the aisle to you. Your eyes grabbed a hold of mine and you wouldn't let go. I never wanted you to let go.

Grandpa whispered, "He loves you, Sookie."

I know that you love me.

You looked so handsome in your black tuxedo. Your hair was braided in a French braid. You looked absolutely flawless. No one is supposed to look better than the bride but you did. You were absolutely breathtaking. I couldn't wait to get to you. I wanted to run down the beach. I wanted everyone there to know that you were made for me. And they knew it too. When you reached your hand out to me before I even reached you, they all knew it. They could see it. When you were finally able to take my hand, you gently took my hand and you never once let your eyes stray from mine. I was completely and utterly mesmerized by you. I thought about the first time we met. You exuded power then but on our wedding day, your magnetism and charm drowned out everything and everyone else on that beach.

You know what else I noticed? I noticed that we both had the look of possession in our eyes. I most definitely belonged to you and you belonged to me.

Our first dance…

I miss being in your arms. You held me so close to you that I could feel your heart beating. You kissed me every so lightly but passionately at the same time. As we danced and held each other, I noticed the other women looking at you. They were so jealous. They wanted what I have. They wanted to have a man hold them the way that you held me. They wanted to have a man love them as you love me. They were all thinking that if a man would only love them half as much as you love me, they'd be happier than they've ever been.

My life began the day that I met you.

It ended eight days ago.

Our anniversary is next week.

Loving only you,

Sookie.


	12. Friday 5:00 am

**Friday 5:00 am**

Dear Eric,

Can you believe that we only dated for six months before we got married? Almost everyone kept saying that we were making a mistake. Your dad was the worst of all of them. He said that we were making the biggest mistakes of our lives. He said that we needed to stop what we were doing and think. He said that we were no longer kids and we needed to think before we got married. Not grandpa; he was happy for us.

I miss him.

When we first started dating we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Your kisses and your touch were overwhelming. I wanted to give myself to you that first night but I'd always wanted a white wedding. You understood that and you didn't make me feel bad about it.

I never said thank you.

Do you remember the night that you had to take me home because if you hadn't, we would've had an ivory wedding? You had me feeling feelings that I'd never, ever felt before. It felt so good to have you touch me in that way. I was almost willing to risk it but I knew that giving you all of me on our wedding night we the best wedding gift that I could possibly give you.

We almost didn't make it to our honeymoon suite. There was so much pent up desire and passion going on between us that we didn't even make it to the bed. We were so caught up in each other that we were drunk with love. You were so gentle and loving with me. It was a beautiful and glorious night.

Verizon called today. I cussed the girl out. I don't know why. I thought that she was going to tell me to cancel your phone line. I was wrong. She only called to ask about changing our plan. I never did call back and apologize to her as I'd planned.

I can't do this.

I Love You,

Sookie.


	13. Friday 6:15 am

**Friday 6:15**

Dear Eric,

I love slipping little notes in your briefcase or your suit pockets before you go to work. I love calling you during the day just to hear your voice. Do you remember the naughty text messages and pictures that I sent to you? You were beyond surprised. You never expected your prim and proper southern darling to do such things. I can see the look on your face as I think about the very first time I surprised you with my naughty girl image. That was a good day. That was the day that I showed up at your office wearing nothing but my red trench coat.

You were on the phone. You motioned for me to come in and have a seat until you were done with your call. I locked the door behind me and while you talked your business, I started walking towards your desk. Once, I was standing in the middle of your office floor, I let the coat fall from my body.

Nothing on underneath.

Red high heel shoes.

You hung up on whomever you were talking to.

Your face told me that you didn't recognize me at all. That was because your wife would never do what I'd just done. You couldn't believe how bold I was but you loved it. You loved it so much that you wanted more when you got home that night. And being the respectful and compliant wife that I've always been, I gave you what you wanted.

My darling husband.

When we were both sated, you looked at me and told me how amazing I am. You told me that you loved looking into my eyes. "In your eyes, I see everything. You make me want to be a better man every time I look at you. When it comes to you, Sookie, I'm a man lost. I never want to be found; ever."

I gripped your face in my hands and kissed you with all of the passion that I could muster up.

I miss you so much, Eric.

Who's going to say those things to me now?

Your Wife,

Sookie.


	14. Friday 7:16 am

**Friday 6:26 am**

Dear Eric,

I have your belongings.

They cleaned your shirt and your pants. At least they were nice enough to clean them for me. I guess they had to. How cruel would it be to send such things home to a person's widow? Everything was cleaned and perfectly pressed. Pressed jeans, though? Who presses jeans? You've never had a crease in your jeans before. That's what old people do. Gran has creases in her jeans.

There was no sign of blood anywhere on anything that was in the box. That was a good sign. I looked through your wallet. The first picture that I saw was our wedding picture. That was the best day of my life. The next picture is of our first date. Can you believe that we actually took a picture in a phone booth drinking wine? You should see the smiles on our faces. You know what I just realized? We're always smiling and happy when we're together. Even when we're mad at each other because you've done something stupid or I've said something stupid.

You are so handsome.

Oh my goodness. You have a picture of my pregnant belly in here. I never knew that you'd had this printed! My shirt is tucked underneath my growing boobies and my belly is gigantic. You'd drawn a face our baby's first home with my bright red lipstick. I was laughing like a maniac. Do you remember what happened next? You had to carry me to the bathroom because I was laughing so hard. I almost peed myself. As I go through your wallet, I notice that each picture is of us or of me.

I wish that I could hear your voice.

There isn't a hint of your scent on your shirt at all. No matter how close I press my nose to your shirt, there's no scent of you anywhere.

Who's hand am I going to hold when I go to sleep at night? I hadn't thought about that until just now.

Your cell phone's in here.

Three missed calls.

Calls that I'd made to you …after.

It kills me that you'll never hear the messages. You'll never know what I had to say. You'll never how bad I miss you. You'll always have three missed calls.

I just screamed …as loudly as I can.

I SCREAMED

OVER

AND OVER

AND OVER

AND OVER AGAIN.

I feel like I'm going to pass out. So Eric, that's what I'm going to do.


	15. Friday 9:00 am

**Friday 9:00 am**

Dear Eric,

I'm dressed.

I've let down all of the blinds and closed all of the curtains. I've unplugged the phones. I've turned off my cell phone. And I've locked myself away in our bedroom. If I could have, I would've picked the house up and moved it to a faraway place but I couldn't. They keep banging on the door and knocking at the windows. Jason and Pam are at the bedroom door telling me that I need to go but I can't. I'm dressed but I can't go. I can't seem to move. You know what this means? If I go, then you're gone. You're truly gone.

Gran made me change my clothes last night. She didn't try to wash your clothes or the sheets this time when I let her come into our bedroom. I asked her if I could wear what I had on; the clothes that I've been wearing for the past week, but she said no. I guess she's right. Black silk boxers and a bathrobe aren't quite what people would expect to see me wearing at your ...

I'm sorry for fussing at you yesterday. I'm not mad at you. I know that it wasn't your fault. You never would've left me. The only way you would leave me is if someone made you. And someone made you. I keep saying that it was meant for you to go to that store. You have always been there for me and when we got pregnant, you just babied me a little more than usual.

You said, "If my wife wants rocky road ice cream at 3:00 in the morning, then my wife is getting rocky road ice cream at 3:00 in the morning."

Isn't it strange? Even before we got pregnant, I had strange cravings are we'd make love. Everyone else in the world smokes or either drinks. I eat sandwiches and bowls of cereal.

Eric, when it happened, I could feel it. I heard you say my name and then I could feel it. A searing pain filled my stomach and I screamed. I knew that it wasn't the baby. I knew that it was you. I didn't even dress when I heard you call out to me. I was still in my gown when I jumped in my car and drove to the store. When I got there, there were cops everywhere. Oh and the worst Eric, the absolute worst, is that when I looked through the window, I saw you lying on the floor with the rocky road ice cream beside you.

"Eric!" I screamed over and over. I tried to run in but Andy Bellefleur grabbed me and turned my head away from the window. He lifted me up from my feet and carried me away from the door. No matter how I fought him, he wouldn't let me go. He held on tight.

He sat me down in his police car and kneeled down in front of me and he held me. He let me cry.

When I was able to stop, I looked at him and asked, "Is he okay? Please tell me that he's okay. He's my husband. We're having a baby."

Andy wouldn't say anything. He looked at our baby belly and didn't say a word.

"Jason and Pam are here," I heard someone say. I think it was Kevin.

"I need to get inside with Eric. I need to make sure that he's okay. I have to make sure that he's okay and get him home. He has to come home with me." I looked up at Andy and smiled a tearful smile. "So, if you wait right here, I'll go and get Eric."

When I tried to stand up, he sat me back down. "You can't go and get Eric, Sookie."

I pointed at the store and said, "I saw him. He's right over there, Andy."

Andy ran his hand through his hair. He told me that I didn't need to see that in my condition but it was too late. I already had. "Please, Sookie. Let Jason and Pam take you home."

Andy motioned for Kevin to bring Jason and Pam to me. When they came over, Pam was crying and Jason looked like he wanted to but couldn't. "Come on, Sook," Jason said. "You come home with us tonight, okay?"

"No," I told him. "I'm going to the hospital to wait for Eric. As soon as they get him patched up, I'll bring him home. Right, Andy?"

He wouldn't look at me.

"Just take me to the hospital. They'll have him ready for me to take home. I'll just wait for him there."

"You can't do that," Jason said.

"Yes, I can. You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman Jason Stackhouse!"

Jason took my hand and helped me from the car. "Sookie, you can't do that."

I nodded and said that I could when I knew that I couldn't. In a trembling voice, I said, "I can. Tell him that I can, Pam." I wouldn't move.

Pam continued to cry. She didn't say anything.

Jason lifted me in his arms as Pam held my hand. That's when I saw him. I saw a young man in the back of Kenya's police car. He was the boy that had ended our marriage without asking us. He made our baby fatherless in less than fifteen minutes. I stared at the boy as Jason tucked me into the backseat of his car. I heard Kenya telling Andy that the boy killed you over $200.00.

$200.00 and our lives were over.

I just realized that we were married on a Friday.

You were taken from me on a Friday.

They are burying you on a Friday.

As of today, Friday's no longer exist.

I hate Fridays.

I just have to see you. It'll be my last chance to say good bye.

I opened the bedroom door.

Gran, Pam and Jason are waiting.

My Dearest, Dearest Love,

Sookie.


	16. Monday 6:18 pm Week 2

**Monday 6:18 pm**

**Second Week**

Dear Eric,

I'm sorry that I haven't written in a few days. I haven't been able to stop crying. Friday made it all too real for me. You are never coming back home. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? How am I supposed to raise our baby alone? We were supposed to be married forever. Forever wasn't supposed to be up to three years.

Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I did something in my life that I shouldn't have done. Maybe we were too happy and you're not supposed to be too happy. I bought this up to Reverend Daniels but he said no. That wasn't it. He said that God doesn't work like that. He said that it was meant to happen. He said that it was just your time.

I didn't say goodbye. I couldn't. I never will.

Dr. Ludwig came by today. Our baby is fine. She said that it's as healthy as a horse. The baby sure as heck kicks like one. Maybe our baby will be a kickback or and line kicker. You'd love that. A son that plays professional football. I can see you now sitting in the stands and cheering him on. For our baby and for you, I've decided that I'm going to do better. I've been eating more and taking my vitamins. Dr. Ludwig said that after all that we've been through, our baby is healthy and fine. Isn't that great? It has your strength and willpower.

There won't be a trial. He's going to be in prison long after our baby's thirtieth birthday. Hopefully, longer than that.

I finally took off the boxer shorts but I still haven't changed the sheets. I can still smell you on your pillow. You know what? No one ever told me that it would be so hard. Gran said that she felt the same way when granddaddy died. She said that in time, I'll get better. She said that it never gets easy but it gets better. I think she's wrong. I wanted to tell her that she didn't know what I was going through. Her husband died in his sleep at 78 years old. I wanted to tell her that you were murdered at 28 years old. Her husband was able to be there to see his children grow up. She had her husband longer than I had you. I wanted to tell her that she can't possibly compare herself to me. But I didn't. I held it all in. Thankfully, she left soon after.

I can't bear to leave our room. I can't imagine ever going back to the Stop 'n Shop.

I quit my job today.

Pam went to Wal-Greens and picked up our vacation disc. I haven't looked at them yet.

God, I miss you. I don't think that I'll ever fall in love again. There is only you.

Your Wife,

Sookie N.


	17. Monday 8:43 pm Week 2

I received a private message and someone asked me why I was killing Eric. Here is my reason. I think that Ms. Harris has done worse. From the first book until Dead in the Family, Eric has always been loving and protective of her; even before she became his. Now, it's almost as if he can't stand to be around her. Our Eric Northman, the Eric from the earlier books, would never have forgotten Sookie's birthday. He never would have bitten viciously into her neck. He's always handled her with tender loving care. He would never have expected Sookie to get him out of marriage that he never wanted. The Eric that we know and love fought his own battles and he fought for Sookie.

My point is that I'd rather she have the tender and loving relationship that they've always had. I'd rather see him dead than ever imagine that he would dismiss her like she was nothing more than a fangbanger. She was so much to him that that and Ms. Harris is killing it. He's dead in both stories but in my stories his love lives on. He's not Bill and he would have never sacrificed Sookie for another woman or another vampire.

**Monday 8:43 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

Your mom and dad came by today. Your mom brought a box full of your baby pictures over today. Your little Swedish newborn butt was just as adorable as can be. Each picture had a story attached to it and your mom was more than happy to share each and every one. She was so proud of you. I was extremely happy to hear them. It felt good to talk about you to someone who loves you just as much as I do.

You never told me that you used to bake mud pies and try to sell them. That was too funny. You were a bad little something weren't you.

They've set up a trust for our baby; your mom and dad. They've even gone so far as to invite us to move to Sweden with them. They said that they'd take care of us. We'd never have a need or want for anything. I let them know that we have more than enough money. I let them know that I'm more than capable of taking care of us. They didn't want to hear any of what I had to say. I let them talk but we both know that it's not going to happen.

I won't leave you. You are my husband and this is our home. Our child needs to be in the house that we made a home.

Your dad was so insistent. He was so cold and cruel. He said that you're dead and that I needed to stop living for a dead man. I slapped him clean across his face.

"Get out of my house right now! Don't you ever come back until you can respect your son's home, his wife and child."

He looked like he wanted to apologize but I wouldn't let him. Your mom cried but I told her that she is always welcome in our home. I opened the door for your dad to leave. He did. He sat in the car until your mom was ready to go.

I'm wearing your wedding band. It's too big but I wrapped tape around it and now it fits perfectly.

Our anniversary is this week.

Always and Forever

Your Wife,

Sookie.


	18. Tuesday 5:30 pm Week 2

**Tuesday 5:30 pm**

Dear Eric,

I'm so glad that I was given the chance to love you.

I slept on your pillow last night and when I woke up this morning, I could smell you so strongly. The scent of you was so strong that I thought that you were home. I can still smell your shampoo when I bury my face into your pillow. I love the smell of your hair. It smells like honey. It always smells like honey. I wonder what it smells like now. I washed the shirt today. It was getting kinda stiff in some spots and it didn't smell like you anymore. Plus Pam made me feel disgusting. She told me that there was no point in me bathing if I was going to keep wearing the same dirty shirt.

"You're disgusting."

"You're an asshole," I said to her.

"I'd rather be an asshole than sit around in a disgusting shirt." She shook her head at me and went into the kitchen to fix lunch. I threw a sandwich at the back of her head but I missed. Anyway, assholes are way more disgusting than a dirty shirt. I didn't tell her that though. She didn't give me a chance to.

I sing to the baby and no, the baby isn't scared. I sing songs by Norah Jones and Florence and the Machine. Nice choices, huh? Anyway, your mom left a box of discs by here. She said that they are songs of Swedish lullabies. She said that she used to sing them to you. So you know what? I play the songs for our baby. Jason bought a pair of headphones to strap to my belly and away we go. The baby and I lay in the bed and listen to Swedish lullabies. There is so much kicking going on when I play that music. Pam even suggested playing books for the baby so I've been doing that as well. I've even considered by the Rosetta Stone set so that our baby will know your native language. Wouldn't that be so great? Our baby's going to be so smart.

It would be even greater if you were here to teach our baby your native tongue but you're not.

Bill called today. He said that he'd just heard. Clancy told him. He's still in Germany but he said that he'll be back soon. He gave his condolences and said that we're in his prayers. He told me to call him if there's anything that I need.

Our wedding album is sleeping in our bed now. In each picture, you look so handsome. I've looked at each picture of you at least a million times over. I never realized that we had so many pictures.

I wish that I'd never wanted that ice cream.

Yours Truly,

Sookie N.


	19. Tuesday 8:15 pm Week 2

**Tuesday 8:15 pm**

Dear Eric,

_"If my wife wants rocky road ice cream at 3:00 in the morning, then my wife is getting rocky road ice cream at 3:00 in the morning."_

Nightmares

You are lying on the floor with that fucking ice cream at your side. Blood is covering the front of your shirt. Because of me, blood is covering the front of your shirt! "Eric!" I scream your name over and over again. You don't answer. You don't move. You always answer when I call to you but not this time.

Nightmares

I keep reaching for you but you're not there. I keep waiting for you to walk through the door; any door, but you never do. I keep waiting and waiting and waiting and nothing happens. There is no you anymore. There is no me anymore. There is nothing but pain, grief, and heartache. I scream your name over and over again before I wake up.

Reality

There is nothing but pain, grief and heartache. There is nothing but loneliness in a dark and deserted room. Our home; this house has turned into my tomb. There is nowhere to run. There is nowhere for me to go without thinking of you. Everything is about you. It's always been you. You've always been there. How am I supposed to go through the rest of my life without you? You've always been my protector. You've always put me above everyone else. You've always loved me. And suddenly, you're gone. Now I'm expected to go through the rest of my life without seeing you or hearing your voice. I can't see your actual smile. I can't hear your laugh. I can't see your eyes. Is this my doom? Is this my punishment for being too happy or for loving you too much? Did you love me too much? Is that even possible? Is this fair?

We've always been good people. We went to church. We donated to charities. We even said hello to strangers on the street when we would walk by them. We are good people, Eric. What did we do to deserve this?

I have to wonder. Would it be easier if there had been another woman that you left me for? No. That is not an option. That would never happen. You'd never do that to me. You love me. What about this then? Would it be better if we'd never met? Would you still be alive if you'd never met me? You definitely wouldn't have gone to the fucking store for some ice cream! Oh God, what have I done? How could I have blamed you when it was never your doing? It was me! It has always been me!

It's my fault! You'd still be alive if it weren't for me. If I had never told you that I wanted ice cream, you never would have gone to the store and you never would've met up with that murderer. I wouldn't be here without you and I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night. We would be in this bed and we would be making love and talking. We would be choosing baby names together. We would be making plans to raise our baby together, as a family. We should be in bed planning family vacations. We should be planning out the menu for Thanksgiving dinner with the family. We should be posing for holiday pictures and Christmas cards. But we're not. You know why?

Because I killed you!

It's never been your fault!

It's mine!

It's my fault!

I murdered you when I told you that I wanted rocky road ice cream! I knew that you'd go. I knew that no matter what I said to keep you in bed, you'd go because I wanted some ice cream. I never should've told you but I did and now you're gone because of me.

I did it!

I did it.

Sookie N.


	20. Tuesday 9:23 pm Week 2

**Tuesday 9:23 pm**

Week 2

Dear Eric,

Forgive me. I didn't mean to unload all of that crap on you.

I cleaned up that very old sandwich that I threw at Pam's head. It was peanut butter and jelly so it wasn't that bad. I don't know how long it had been in here. I can't recall fixing any peanut and jelly sandwiches. The chicken salad and the fresh fruit have been good. Gran has been making my dinner and she eats with me. We sit at the kitchen table. She refuses to eat in the bedroom. I have to admit, it feels good to have some company. It's hard when she goes home.

I thought that it was a boy that did it. It was a girl. She'd robbed the store for some idiotic reason. Does it really matter why she did it? I saw her picture in the paper. She looks like any other young girl in Louisiana. She has tight blond curls and her hair is cut really short. She's not the most attractive girl in the world but she looks miserable. Every time I look at her picture, I think about her ending our marriage, ending our life together. Who would have thought that a young girl had such power?

I put your slippies on your side of the bed.

I know that you'd be mad at me if you heard me talking the way that I was earlier. You'd be so disappointed in me. I'm supposed to be so much stronger than this. I'm falling apart, Eric. What good am I going to be to our baby? I can't even go out of this house. And leaving our room? That's just plain impossible. The doctor has to come here to see me.

Every room in this house reminds me of you …the kitchen, the living room, the den, your office, the hallway. Everything is you. Your towering presence is everywhere. When I go into the living room, I expect to see you leaned back in your recliner watching a football game with Jason and the other guys. There would be popcorn and bread crumbs all over the carpet. Beer and soda bottles would be strewn all over the table and NOT sitting on coasters as I've requested at least a million times. I listen to hear you singing in the shower. You're everywhere but nowhere.

What am I supposed to do?

Should I stay with Gran for awhile? Should I move in with Pam and Jason for a few days, months or however long it takes? Should I go to Sweden and stay with your parents and raise our baby there in your native land? Or should I stay here in our home with these memories and no you?

I'm not going to be a good mother, Eric. I can't do this alone. I'm almost ready to have this baby and I'm terrified. We were supposed to do this together. That has always been the plan. When talked about being THE best parents, we talked about doing it together. WE talked about it.

WE

NOT

ME!

I wish that you were here. You always make things better. I always feel better when I'm with you. You always said that. "You'll feel better once we're together."

I always knew that you were right.

I wish that I could see you.

I wish that I could hear you laugh.

Oh, how I wish that we were making love.

Your Only Lover,

Sookie N.


	21. Wednesday 12:01 am Week 2

**Wednesday 12:01 am**

Dear Eric,

My stomach has dropped …a lot!

Guess what today is?

It's our anniversary.

I have never met a man as handsome or as extraordinary as you are. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh; everything about you makes me feel alive and new. When you walk into a room and there are tons of people in the room and you only see me, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I never got the chance to tell you that. You always made me feel so damned special. You made everything so damned special. I just wanted you to know that.

I'm sleeping a little more through the night. It's hard because you're not here but I'm trying. I'm always, always thinking of you. How can I not? You are the love of my life. Thank you for loving me and sharing your life with me. We had so many more years ahead of us to laugh, to talk, to cry. Nothing was supposed to get in our way. I have to say that these years, a few days from being four years, were better than not having you at all. I can complain and fuss that we deserved another eighty years together. I'm just happy that we had the time that we did. You've given me so much. Love. Happiness. Tears. Competition and arguments. But the best thing that you've given me hasn't come into this world yet.

You've given me a son.

Isn't it amazing that today we've been married for four short years? It only feels like seconds. Knowing that you love me, helps to keep me going and makes me smile even when I don't want to. You make me feel complete and the fact that we are having a son puts the icing on the cake.

I found out about him three weeks ago. I have an updated sonogram picture and everything. I'd even sent it to Vista Print and had it put in a card. His little pee pee is showing and his mouth is open. Gran said that is a sign that he'll be a big mouth just like me. I don't agree but if you were here, I know that you would. When I look at the picture, I see you. I'll bet he'll have your eyes and your smile.

Thank you for the charm bracelet. Four charms for our four years of marriage; he loves me, baby slipper, key to your heart, and the love knot. Thank you, baby. I wish that you could tell me what they mean to you. I'd love to hear you say the words. I'd love to hear you say them in Swedish. So what if I don't know what you're saying; at least you'd be saying them.

I never stop thinking of you.

You'll always be in my heart.

My heart is breaking.

I wish that I could hear you say that you love me.

I love you.

Needing You More and More Each Day,

Your Wife,

Sookie N.


	22. Wednesday 5:16 pm Week 2

**Wednesday 5:16 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

I have a question for you and I want you to be completely honest with me. Do you think it'd be all right if I stopped my life right here, right now? Do you think that I could start over and pretend that this never happened? Do you think that it's at all possible for me to stay in this house for the rest of my life with our baby? I could sit in here and tell him stories about his strong and handsome daddy. I could tell him how much you love us. Our lives would be limited but we'd be safe in here and we'd be here with you. Do you think that would be at all feasible? Does it sound like a plan?

I didn't think so.

I have a confession. Some nights, I sit in the living room with the lights off and cry. If it's dark, it's okay to cry. I know that I'm alone but I like not being seen. Isn't that weird? When I had you with me, I wanted everyone to see me because I felt complete. I wanted everyone to know that I had the smile on my face because of you. I wanted everyone to know that I was in love and that I was loved. I never realized that being yours was one of the greatest gifts of my life until you were gone. Isn't life funny that way?

I just realized something.

I have to stop waiting to see if you'll walk through that door. I have to stop waiting to see if I'll hear you singing in the shower or singing to our baby belly. I have to stop waiting to see if you'll nuzzle my neck while we fall asleep. I have to stop waiting for you to tell me that you love me. What hurts more than anything is that every morning that I wake up, I expect to see your face and every night when I go to sleep, I expect to see your face.

It is never gonna happen again, is it?

I am so angry! I want to kill her, Eric! She's destroyed everything that was ours and no matter how much I dream or how much I cry, I can't get any of it back. I wish that I could ask her why. I wish that I could sit down and talk to her and ask her why she did it but you know what? I'll never have closure. There's no such thing. They could have given her the death penalty but it wouldn't have solved anything. Let me explain to you why. They've caught her and she's in jail for the next thirty or so years. What does that do for us? It does absolutely nothing. You're still gone. I'm still alone and our baby doesn't have you.

I'm so sleepy, Eric but I hate sleeping. Because when I wake up, it's not a dream. I'll bet you five dollars to a penny that if I fell asleep, I'd sleep for days and days. I'm just so tired. I just want to go to sleep.

But I can't fall asleep alone.

I don't want to sleep without you.

Loving you,

Sookie N.


	23. Wednesday 5:54 pm Week 2

**Wednesday 5:54 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

I don't know what to do.

Pam is here and she won't leave. She said that she's not leaving until I get dressed and go out to dinner with her. She said that I needed to get some fresh air. "Stop basking in your misery and get your ass dressed. If it takes you all night to get ready, then I'll stay here and wait. We'll just go out for breakfast in the morning. And please. Take a long hot shower and wash your hair." She is bullying me, Eric. If you were here, she wouldn't be bullying me.

Your sister is so mean.

I called and told Gran and do you know what she said? "That's great, Sookie. You need to get out. Get some fresh air and stop sitting in that room. Open that window and let some cool air blow through that house. Open that door and get out of there for a few hours. It'll do you good."

I told her that I didn't want to go. She completely ignored me.

"Call me when you get back," she said. Then she hung up on me. Can you believe that? My granny hung up on me!

If you were here, you'd tell me to go and have a good time, wouldn't you? If you were here, that wouldn't be a hard thing to do. Since you're gone, it seems like it's an impossibility. Should I go? I've only been to two places since that night. What if everyone gives me pity stares and sad smiles?

Okay, baby.

I'm going.

Your Scared yet Adventurous Wife,

Sookie N.


	24. Wednesday 10:20 pm Week 2

**Wednesday 10:20 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

Pam and I came home about an hour ago and guess what? Pam was wonderful and we had a very nice time. She was very protective of me. This time she bullied other people instead of bullying me. It was great. When someone would come up to me with that sad puppy dog look, she'd stop them in their tracks.

"This is not a time for you to come over here all weepy eyed. Sookie doesn't need that. If you can't say hello with a smile on your face, keep it moving." You should have seen Ms. Fortenberry's face. I had to look down at the table in order not to laugh at her in her face. She was a red as I've ever seen her. After that, no one came near our table looking sad and pitiful. They were as cheerful as they wanted to be.

I have to admit, it felt good to talk to someone. Pam made me feel ten times better. While we were at dinner we talked about the town gossip. Who's dating who. Who's sleeping with this one's husband or wife. You know the usual things when women get together. When we got back to our house, yours and mine, it was a totally different conversation.

She told me that I didn't have to suffer through this alone. "He's my brother. I miss him too, Sookie. I miss seeing him. I miss talking to him but we have to keep on going. You can't stop living. Do you think that he would like seeing you in such a state? Let me tell you something that I heard on TV the other night. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime. At least you had it. Some people go a lifetime and they never get a chance to have what you and Eric had but you can't give up. You have to keep on going, Sook. You can't give up."

"He was my knight in shining armor."

"Because he was your knight in shining armor, Sookie," she said. "You have to keep going. My brother loves you. The kind of love that you two have is indestructible. Even beyond the grave, it's there. It'll always be there. You have to ask yourself the one question that's out there. Do you want to live, Sookie?"

I didn't know what to say. I was always under the assumption that I was living. I may have been in our room but I was living. I have us and our memories. I have our baby. I have our pictures and our videos. That's all that I want. That's all that I need. Or so I thought.

"I do want to live. You and everyone else keep telling me that I need to live. How, Dr. Pam? How am I supposed to keep my head up and my heart light?"

She was frustrated with me. "I don't know! Go to the fucking mailbox! Order something from the internet! Do something other than sit in that stale smelling room! You have to do the same things that you did when he was alive. My brother wouldn't want to see you like this. And I have to say it, Sookie. It's not all about you. You're carrying his baby. If you don't want to live for you, do it for him." She pointed at my belly. "It's time that you stop what you're doing."

Now that pissed me off.

"What do you know? Your husband's alive. You're not alone. You don't have to sit a big empty house and wait. You don't have to raise your children by yourself. You have Jason. You don't have to cry yourself to sleep in order to get some sleep. You don't know what it feels like to have your husband murdered. You don't know what it's like to be me. You have no idea. It's easy for you and everyone else to sit back and look at me and tell me that I need to stop grieving because you don't know what it's like."

She wrapped her arms around me and she held me. She let me cry. I was soon resting my head on her lap as she stroked my head. "Feel better?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I'm staying with you tonight."

She's in the shower.

I'm sleeping in your spot tonight and on your pillow.

Guess what, baby?

I won't have to fall asleep alone.

Yours forever,

Sookie N.


	25. Thursday 11:20 am Week 2

**Thursday 11:20 am**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

Pam fixed me breakfast this morning. We had fresh fruit with spinach and egg white omelets. She said that I and the baby needed to eat a healthy meal. It was delicious. Outside of you and Gran, no one else has ever made me breakfast. And guess what? I didn't eat in the bedroom again. I've eaten two meals at a dinner table. Can you believe it? I did it twice in a row. It felt good.

She also let me talk about you. What's even better is that she wanted to talk about you. She started the conversation. It was so great. She asked me what made me realize that you were the one for me. No one has ever asked me that before.

I couldn't give her one definitive answer. "It was a bunch of stuff," I said. "It could have been the night of our first date; he asked me if he could hold my hand. He said that he'd wanted to do it since he'd seen me that morning. It could have been the way he looked at me when I talked to him about my day. There was nothing in particular. I just knew. When he touched me, it was like finding my home. Everything about him was right. It was just right, ya know?"

With a smile, she said, "Yeah. I know."

Her smile made me curious. "How did you know that Jason was the one for you?"

"It was our first date and we were going to the movies. We were standing in line to see _The Aviator_. Well, when it was our turn to pay for our tickets, guess who didn't have his wallet? You guessed it; your brother." She started to laugh as she thought about it, Eric. "He had the gall to say to me that I should get this date and he would get the next one. He'd assumed that there would be a next date when he'd made me pay for the first one! No man had ever done that to me. They were always on their best behavior and prepared but not Jason. After he'd made that ridiculous suggestion, he gave me his sly southern smile and I was in. I was in for the long haul."

As she talked about my brother, I saw that she loves him just as much as I love you. And I knew what she was doing. She wanted me to share my memories of you with someone other than you. She knew that it would make me feel better and it did, Eric.

She's gone home now but she'll be back. I have a doctor's appointment today.

You've been gone for almost three weeks now and it's just as hard as it was the night that you were stolen from me but Pam is trying her very best to make things better. She's listening to any story or any comment that I make about you. She's letting me talk about the way you used to sweep the floor or how you used to make the coffee too strong or how you used to make French toast on Sunday mornings.

I can't stop thinking about you or talking about you and Pam is letting me know that it's okay. She's letting me know that I don't have to do it alone and for that, I am grateful. Don't get me wrong. Every night when I lay on my pillow, it's your face that I see. It's you that I long to be with. I know that I will love you and only you forever. I feel like I can make it with her with me. I have someone to share the memories with. I feel like I'm with you when she's here because she knows every story, every wound, almost every memory. I feel safe again.

I hope that I feel this way when Pam finally goes home.

Loving You and Trying,

Your loving wife,

Sookie N.


	26. Thursday 8:17 pm Week 2

**Thursday 8:17 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Your eyes, your smile, your love; everything about you, I miss terribly. When you were here with me, you gave me clarity and purpose. More than anything, you give me hope and joy. I thought that I couldn't feel good anymore but today, all day, I smiled. I even laughed a few times.

The baby is moving a whole lot more. He's kicking a whole lot more. Dr. Ludwig said that he can even respond to our voices. Today Jason, Pam and I talked to him. I played our vacation video for him so that he could hear your voice. I put the headphones on my belly and I let our son listen to his daddy's voice.

You wouldn't believe how big my stomach has gotten. It's almost like he gets heavier and heavier every minute. I thought about what Pam said and she was right. It's not all about me. I have our little man to think about. He can't have a sad and mopey mommy. I hope that I haven't made it so he'll be sad and mopey. I want him to be happy and strong like you. I voiced my concerns to my dear Dr. Ludwig. She said that as long as he grows up in a happy home, we should have nothing to worry about.

And guess what? Dr. Ludwig didn't have to come here today. Remember when I told you about the doctor's appointment that I had? I _went_ to my appointment _at_ her doctor's office. Pam was a go with girl and it was so cool. We got to hear his heartbeat. It was so strong, baby. He is going to be so strong; just like his daddy.

After listening to his heartbeat, it really hit me that I'm going to be a mommy and you're going to be a daddy. Can you believe it? We are going to be parents. I never thought that I would see a world where we would have kids. Can you imagine what he'll be like if he's like both of us? He'll be hell on wheels. I wanted to scream in the doctor's office but I contained my joy. My life has a lot more meaning now because of him.

I wish that you were here. There are many things that we are supposed to share now.

Oh, how I wish that you were here. Your love for me has always given me strength.

I love you, Eric. My heart is, and always will be, yours.

I feel guilty because I enjoyed today.

Loving you,

Sookie N.


	27. Friday 2:43 pm Week 2

**Friday 2:43 pm**

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

Your son is wreaking havoc. He is fighting like hell to get out of his first apartment. I'm peeing more and more each day. Pam said that the little rugrat would be out in no time and that is when I would see true havoc. I'm not surprised at her words. You've met her kids. What I am surprised at is that it took her this long to think of a name to call our son. She and your mom have gone shopping. Jason's coming by to keep me company later on. You know how it is when Pam and your mother get together and credit cards and sales are involved. She'll be gone for hours.

Your dad came by today. He cried. He talked about you and how much he misses you. He said that he regrets the years that he missed with you. "I never wanted to miss so much of his life. I only worked as hard as I did because I wanted to make a better life for my children. He and Pam are the reason I worked as hard as I did. I wanted to give them everything. They deserved the good life; a life better than the one that I had. I never meant to …I never …Oh, God. My son is gone. I'll never get tell him what he means to me. I missed my chance, Sookie."

I hugged your father to me and I let him cry. After a moment, he sat up and looked at me. He didn't wipe the tears from his face. Why would he? He didn't stop the tears from falling from his eyes.

"I don't want to believe that my son is gone."

I cried with him. Another someone else was sharing in my reality; the reality of pain, grief and heartache. "Neither do I. It's hard. Getting up every morning is a task. We didn't get to keep him very long, did we?"

"No," he said as his voice cracked. He held my hand as he talked. "I used to swing my boy around in the air and he would just laugh. He loved playing catch. He was a great athlete. Did he ever tell you about his athletic status in high school?"

"Yes," I said with a smile. "He said that he was quite the jock."

"Eric was great. We used to have the greatest talks when he was a boy. He used to sit up at night and wait for me to come home. You know, when he was younger, he thought that I was the greatest man in the world. That was when he was my boy. I miss those times, Sookie. I think of them often now that he's gone. I love him. I wish that I had told him."

"He knew that."

A little bit of hope flickered in his eyes. "Do you think so?"

"I know so," I told him without a moment's hesitation. "Eric always said that you never let him down. He understood that you had to provide for your family. You know how teenagers are when they get older. Eric told me how he was handful but he loved you. He said that you are the reason he was the man that was. He looked to you when he was your boy and he looked to you when he became my man. He was caring, loving, giving; if he learned that from you, he didn't only love you. He admired you."

Your dad stared at me with a new found love and admiration. "I owe you an apology, Sookie. When Eric brought you home and said that you were going to be his wife, I thought that you two were too young and you would be throwing your lives away. He argued me up and down and said that you were made for him. He said that you two fit perfectly. Perfect. Those were my son's exact words when he spoke of you. Forgive my blatant disregard of your love and marriage. You really love my son. He told me that you and he were one soul in two bodies. Listening to you now, I believe it to be true."

That was the nicest thing that your dad has ever said to me. I wanted to cry but that was cut off quick. Your son began moving a little more. Your dad noticed the look on my face and asked if he could touch our baby belly. "You don't mind?"

"Of course not," I said.

When he placed his hand on my belly, your boy kicked. That made your dad start talking about you when you were a baby. The memories made him laugh and the laugh reached his eyes. I never realized how much his laugh sounds like yours. When I looked at your dad, I saw you thirty years from now. My heart broke into a million little pieces.

"You know that you're welcome in our home."

"You're going to let me be a part of your lives after all that I've said and done? You've forgiven me?"

"There's nothing to forgive. You were being a father."

For the next three hours we talked and we laughed. He told me many stories about you.

It was a great day, Eric. It feels so good to talk about you to your dad and mom and Pam.

Today, I don't feel so guilty.

Loving you always,

Sookie N.


	28. Friday 6:29 pm Week 2

**Friday 6:29 pm **

**Week 2**

Dear Eric,

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I never knew love until you.

Jason came by to sit with me after your dad left. He stayed with me while Pam and your mom were still shopping. I could tell that he was uncomfortable but he played the role of the big brother very well.

"You look good, Sook. You're getting bigger everyday ain't 'cha? Even Pam didn't get that big when she was pregnant." He had the nerve to laugh. The look on my face must've spoken volumes because he backtracked and apologized. "I didn't mean it that way. Pam told me not to talk too much but I done fucked up! Shit! I didn't mean to cuss in front of the baby! You gon' tell Pam?"

Jason amused me. I didn't say anything. I just laughed at him. I laughed so hard and so much that I had to pee. When I got back from the bathroom, he was watching me as I walked back into the living room and he was watching me intently.

"You are beautiful, Sookie. Pregnancy suits you."

That surprised me. Jason always used to tell me that I resembled an aunt that we had named Trudy. She used to scare us half to death. She was so ugly that she could bite a hole in a picket fence. Jason used to tell me every day that I was going to grow up and look just like Aunt Trudy. He said that since I was the youngest girl in the family that the ugly would hit me and it would hit me hard. I believed him clear up until I was thirteen years old. Today is the first time my brother has ever told me that I was beautiful.

"Thank you, Jason."

"He used to talk about you all of the time. You were his pride and joy. You were the reason for his smile, Sook."

Tears welled up in my eyes and heart was filled with love.

"You know how we used to have our boys night out, don't cha?"

I nodded. I remembered those nights. You looked forward to those nights. I loved to see the smile on your face when you would meet up the boys.

"Well, you know that on Thursday nights we would always go to the bar. We'd drink and talk. Joke and laugh. It was a good time. Women used to want to be around us as soon as we would walk through the door. But you know that when women see a group of extremely handsome men, they flock like bees to sugar. We couldn't shake 'em off."

"Jason, please," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Really, Sook. I'm serious. Those girls saw us and they couldn't contain themselves but Eric? He was a cool as ever. The girls went stupid foolish for him. They'd ask him to dance or offer to buy him a drink but he would always say no. Not on drink, Sookie. Not one," Jason said. "Well, this one night, Terry asked Eric why he wouldn't even take the drink. He understood why Eric wouldn't dance with them but he didn't understand why he wouldn't take the drink. Come to think of it, none of us understood it. It was only a drink. Do you know what Eric said?"

"No," I whispered. "What?"

"He said that there was only one woman he wanted to lead on; you. That man worships …worshipped the ground that you walk on."

Tears fell steadily and a smile spread across my face. My hands went to my mouth. I kissed your wedding band.

"I know that I never said this but I'm sorry that you have to suffer. I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened to Pam." He looked sadly at me. "I guess I'd be like you." He suddenly went from sad to embarrassed. "I didn't know whether or not to say anything so I decided to say something. I thought that I'd let you know."

"I'm glad that you did."

"I hope that you'll be happy again. That smile on your face," he said as he pointed at me. "It looks great there."

"I love you Jason."

"Aww, Sook. You know that I love you. Keep smilin'. He'd like that. He loves you, Sookie."

You love me.

Just then I realized how selfish I've been. I staked claim to every memory of you. I staked claim to your soul because I didn't want to share you with anyone else. You belonged to me and only me. I was wrong. Gran loves you. Your parents and your sister love you. Jason loves you. Each of them has their own memories of you that they want to share and I wouldn't let them because you were mine.

For the first time since you've been gone, I don't feel so alone anymore. I have you. I have you in my heart and my memories. I have you in my family's memories. And in knowing that I find hope. I see you.

Missing you more and more every day,

YOUR wife,

Sookie N.


	29. Monday 5:15 pm Week 3

**Monday 5:15 pm**

**Week 3**

Dear Eric,

It's been two days since I've written you and for that, I'm sorry. Life has been a little hectic but let me start off by saying that it's also good.

I don't think I'll ever get over losing you. You are the only man that I've ever loved. I was glad that you sauntered into my office that fateful day. That was the day that I fell in love with you. I want to hear you say 'My lover' everyday. I wait for it. I yearn for it. I want to hear you recite all of my likes and my dislikes. I want to wash your hair and your back. I want to cook you your favorite dinner. I want to ride you to complete and utter ecstasy. We'd been married for almost four years and nothing that we've ever done would compare to what we did this morning.

Our son is here; Eric Northman Jr.

I was in labor for two days and thank God, he came into this world this today. Your father and mother were there. And guess what, they're moving here so that they can be closer to their extended family. Jason and your dad paced the floor the entire time. Your mom said that your dad was a complete wreck. Gran knitted baby booties in the hospital waiting room and drank cup after cup of coffee. Pam, she was in the delivery room with me. Even Tara, Holly, and Kennedy came. Sam and Bill showed up with gifts and flowers. Last night was the best night ever.

The most important person of all was missing and that was you. You weren't there physically but I could feel you. When I was going through the pain of bringing our healthy, nine pound son into this world NATURALLY, I could feel you. Calm filled the room. Love filled me and it was because of you. When he came into this world, I wanted to live again. He looks just like you. When I saw his eyes, my breath caught in my throat. And Eric baby, when I looked into his eyes I did what I said I'd never do again. I fell in love. That little boy has stolen my heart. In only seconds, Eric, he's made me feel alive again.

And it's all because of you. Your love will see me through anything even if you're not here with me. I know that we will be fine. Life is so funny that way, isn't it? Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I'd ever be okay again.

Guess what?

I'm beginning to like Mondays again.

I may even give Fridays another chance.

I love you, Eric Northman.

I love you.

Giving life another chance,

Your wife,

Sookie N.

* * *

**A/N: thank you all so much for reading. I'm glad that you all enjoyed and took the time to read and review this story. **


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